The Many-Faced Man

By: John Marvin A. Corsino

Graphics by: John Aaron U. Marasigan

The quintessential picture of the word “father” involves four things: the sound of a very loud crowing rooster, the strong scent of a hot cup of black coffee, a new issue of a local newspaper released just this Sunday morning, and Air Supply blasting on full volume in an old radio. While this is a very apt description, it also seems rather superficial. Thus, begs the question, what exactly is a father?

Unfortunately, not many can answer this question. Nowadays, many even associate fathers with the hit-and-run—that is, leaving as quick as lightning after the deed has been done. A worthy bit of dark humor, admittedly, yet there exists a sense of longing for those who grew up without one. It may be repressed or buried in layers of hatred, but it is in fact still there. Seemingly, this goes to show that a father has significant impacts in one’s life.

This Father’s Day, The New Builder celebrates all loving fathers in their various forms and faces.

The Supporter

Of course, there’s the Filipino term, “haligi ng tahanan” which quite literally defines a father as a man who supports the family, much like the foundation of any building or infrastructure. In this context, a father, with or without the burden of attending to work to earn money, cares for the family in ways beyond the financial. Deeply immersed in the day-to-day rearing of children, they are present for school activities, battles with the ever-so-villainous homework, and maybe even bedtime stories.

Redefining gender roles, the supporter builds a kind of bond with their children different from most. With the consistent presence, shared experiences, and active emotional engagement they have with their children, the supporter demonstrates that masculinity, unlike how it is traditionally viewed, also includes empathy, care, and a blatant desire for the welfare and betterment of their children.

The Taker

Contrary to biology, a father can’t be reduced to just a source of chromosomes. While it is true that every being that walks this planet has a male parent, the role of a father extends way past the fertilization of a female. Sometimes, the most fatherly any father can be is being present.

This holds true for the taker, who has taken hatchlings not of his own under his wing. Taking on the responsibility of raising, nurturing, and guiding children is already one giant hurdle, yet the taker goes the extra mile to love a child that isn’t even his. It’s even more difficult if the hatchling in question also comes with a mother. Not only will the taker have to navigate through a complex family structure by being a stepfather, but he also must understand that a child will not easily understand what goes on and may take time to open to him. Nevertheless, he loves the child anyway, and the child, if lucky, may be able to enjoy the luxury of having two fathers in their life.

The journey of the taker is long, unique, and difficult, yet through it, he demonstrates an abundance of unconditional love. Investing time, energy, and affection into a role supposedly filled by someone else, shows selflessness and dedication. Through it, the taker shows that fatherhood isn’t a bond of blood, but of heart.

The Provider

In this 21st century world, living is—if not more—as expensive than dying. Many youths, when asked about the thought of having children, reply “in this economy?” While agreeable, some fathers seem to be making it, but not without certain sacrifices, of course.

Some fathers are distant, maybe not emotionally, but definitely physically. The provider is an example. Working miles away from home to provide his family food, shelter, and most importantly, opportunities which he, himself, may have missed out on. He might be away and his love shown mostly through checks or remittances, but his commitment is undeniable. Fighting battles alone, without the comfort of family is very difficult. The provider’s silent sacrifice is, at its core, a deep-seated love that puts his family above even himself.

This, however, doesn’t cover up the fact that the provider is distant. Honestly, the provider even personifies the traditional perception of a father that falls under the pretext of a simple ATM machine. Many, up to this day, believe that the definition of a father can simply be reduced to that of a breadwinner. However unideal, the provider’s absence leaves behind unique scars in the family, especially the children. While undoubtedly noble, the provider’s sacrifice leaves little opportunity for him to experience precious moments with his family, further exacerbated by the fact that none of them are getting any younger.

The Other

Up ‘til now, the fathers mentioned don the pronoun he, but in this modern day and age, not all fathers are necessarily he. As is shown by the other, who, despite birthing the child herself, embodies both maternal and paternal roles. In the absence of the child’s male counterpart, she defies societal norms, stepping in to do two jobs by herself—three, if we count her actual bread and butter separately.

Besides mothers, other fathers also take on the role of the other. Grandparents, godparents, aunts and uncles, sometimes even the eldest sibling of a parentless family is the other. More than that, there are LGBTQ+ parents who prove that regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, or marital status, one can so lovingly nurture, protect, and raise a child well.

The other is an unsung hero, providing stability and unwavering support under circumstances that demand strength and resilience. They prove that it is not societal conformity that makes a family, but love, and having an unorthodox family is no worse compared to a broken and dysfunctional, but socially acceptable one.

The Father

With all that said, the definition of a father is broad and positively unknowable—that is, it cannot simply be explained by words on a screen alone. The sacrifices he makes, the lessons he teaches, the warmth and familiarity he gives, and the security he works so hard for to provide for his family—that is what defines the man and that is what defines the father. It will never be tangible, but it is always there, so give them a pat on the back and tell them that they’re doing a great job.

Fatherhood is not an easy task, whether for the provider, the supporter, the runner, or the other. This Father’s Day, it is important that while they are the ones supposed to guide, provide, and be relied on. It is also their first time as human beings. It is only right to give them enough time, leniency, and appreciation—in other words, love.